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Misha
Dear Misha,
So, have I ever told you my secret shame?
And no, it’s not watching Teen Mom like you. Go ahead and try to deny it. I know you don’t have to sit there with your sister, man. She’s old enough to watch TV by herself.
No, actually, it’s far worse, and I’m a little embarrassed to tell you. But I think negative feelings should be released. Just once, right?
You see, there’s a girl at school. You know the kind. Cheerleader, popular, gets everything she wants . . . I hate to admit this, especially to you, but a long time ago I wanted to be her.
Part of me still does.
You would absolutely hate her. She’s everything we can’t stand. Mean, cavalier, superficial . . . The kind who doesn’t have a thought stay in her head too long or else she needs a nap, right? I’ve always been fascinated with her, though.
And don’t roll your eyes at me. I can feel it.
It’s just that . . . given all of her detestable attributes, she’s never alone. You know?
I kind of envy that. Okay, I really envy that.
It feels like shit to be alone. To be in a place full of people and feel like they don’t want you there. To feel like you’re at a party you weren’t invited to. No one even knows your name. No one wants to. No one cares.
Are they laughing at you? Talking about you? Are they sneering at you like their perfect world would be so much better if you weren’t there, messing up their view?
Are they just wishing you’d get the hint already and leave?
I feel like that a lot.
I know it’s pathetic to want a place among other people, and I know you’ll say it’s better to stand alone and be right than stand in a crowd and be wrong, but . . . I still feel that need all the time. Do you ever feel it?
I wonder if the cheerleader feels it. When the music stops and everyone goes home? When the day is gone and she doesn’t have anyone to entertain herself with? When she removes her makeup, taking off her brave face for the day, do the demons she keeps buried start playing with her when there’s no one else to play with?
I guess not. Narcissists don’t have insecurities, right?
Must be nice.
My phone buzzes from the center console of my truck, and I look away from Ryen’s letter to see another text roll in.
Dammit. I’m so late.
The guys are no doubt wondering where the hell I am, and it’s still a twenty-minute drive to the warehouse. Why can’t I be the invisible bass player no one cares about?
I stare at her words again, running over the sentence in my head. When she removes her makeup, taking off her brave face for the day . . .
That line really hit me the first time I read this letter a couple years ago. And the hundred times since then. How can she say so little and yet so much?
I go back and finish the last part, already knowing how the letter ends but loving her attitude and the way she makes me smile.
Okay, sorry. I just had a social media break, so I feel better now. Not sure when I turned into such an idiot, but I’m glad you put up with it.
Moving on.
So just to set the record straight from our last argument, Kylo Ren is NOT a baby. You understand? He’s young, impulsive, and he’s related to Anakin and Luke Skywalker. Of course he whines! How is this a surprise? And he’ll redeem himself. I’ll bet you on it. Name your price.
All right, I gotta go. But yes, to answer your question, that lyric you sent me last time sounds great. Go with it, and I can’t wait to read the whole song.
Good night. Good work. Sleep well.
I’ll most likely stop writing you in the morning,
PUNK 57 by Penelope Douglas. Copyright © 2023 by the author and reprinted by permission of Berkley.
PUNK 57 by Penelope Douglas
Secrets, deception, and passion consume two pen pals in the TikTok sensation from New York Times bestselling author Penelope Douglas, now with exclusive bonus material!
They were perfect together. Until they met.
In fifth grade, Misha’s teacher set him and his classmates up with pen pals from a different school. For the next seven years, Ryen was his everything. She kept Misha on track and accepted him as he is. They only had three rules: No social media, no phone numbers, no pictures. There was no reason to ruin the good thing they had going…until Misha runs across a photo of a girl online named Ryen. He knows he has to meet her. But he didn’t expect to hate what he finds.
Ryen has gone three months without a letter from Misha. Did he die? Get arrested? Knowing Misha like she does, neither would be a stretch. She needs to know someone is listening to her. But really, Ryen knows this is her own fault. She should’ve gotten his phone number, or picture, or something.
As a mysterious vandal leaves messages in Ryen’s school, she’s possessed by the handsome new student who knows just how to hurt and heal her. But she can’t stop thinking of Misha. He could be gone forever. Or right under her nose, and she wouldn’t even know it…
Or right under my nose, and I wouldn’t even know it.
New Adult | Romance [Berkley, On Sale: December 5, 2023, Paperback / e-Book, ISBN: 9780593641996 / ]
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About Penelope Douglas
Penelope Douglas is a writer and teacher in Las Vegas. Born in Dubuque, Iowa, she is the oldest of five children. Penelope attended the University of Northern Iowa, earning a Bachelor’s degree in Public Administration, because her father told her to “just get the damn degree!” She then earned a Masters of Science in Education at Loyola University in New Orleans, because she HATED public administration. One night, she got tipsy and told the bouncer at the bar where she worked (yes, she was drunk at work) that his son was hot, and three years later she was married. To the son, not the bouncer. They have spawn, but just one. A daughter named Aydan. Penelope loves sweets, the show Sons of Anarchy, and she shops at Target almost daily.
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