What has amazed me about the past couple of years is how I have managed to finally gain some perspective on myself and my life. What’s appalling about this observation is that I used to think I had this perspective. I thought that I knew what I was doing and why and how. I thought I had things under control; I imagined I was in charge. I thought I knew what in the heck I was doing.
Now, however, I realize that I have and had some behaviors and needs and feelings and thoughts, but I don’t imagine anymore that I have control of it of all. I just sort of “see” myself and know a little more about what I do. I also know that in another 47 years (should I make it that long) I will be able to say the same thing about my current self that I just said about my younger self.
Poor thing, I will think. She thought she had it figured out.