Since I’ve already shared my mother-of-the-bride gown. I thought I’d show you my wedding speech. Yes, it’s in my special format, but that’s because I’m special, right? Anyway here’s the quiz I gave the two kids. Hint: The right answer can be “All of the Above.”
Which of the following is true about Sheri?
a. She painted her room in trees that look like dying broccoli and blames her mother for the result.
b. She went to bed every night strangling our cat. She hugged the poor creature like a stuffed animal and would not let go no matter what it did back.
c. She spent two months singing “I feel pretty.”
d. In her bedroom, she had a Barbie town house, Barbie convertible car, Barbie ranch–3 of them, Barbie veterinary hospital, plus the clothing and accessories for all of it. Alex might have dreamed of getting a superpower, but Sheri dreamed about ballgowns, a zillion-acre ranch, and Mustangs.
Answer: All of the above. For A, I was trying to be supportive of her creative talents. I knew that artistically she was still growing, but I never thought she’d blame me afterwards. I never stopped her from painting over it. As for C, she was Maria in the high school production of West Side Story. So it’s not as lame as it sounds. And the rest? Well, that was just Sheri.
Alex was a juvenile scofflaw. Yes, he was. Why? Because…
a. He spent his summer nights tipping cows.
b. He spent his nights dreaming of ways to make a Catwoman robot.
c. He loved setting off illegal fireworks
d. He found Superman’s fortress of solitude and won’t tell the government where it is.
Answer: C. And yes, that’s all I could get out of his family. They actually spent a long time trying to think of something mischievous. Frankly, the boy is scarily perfect.
Couples are stuck with each other’s families. So how do the respective families feel? What does Alex’s family think of Sheri?
a. She’s provisionally accepted depending on how quickly the grandchildren appear.
b. Please, we’re just glad Alex stopped stalking Anne Hathaway
c. She’s great! Let me tell you about the other girls he’s dated…
d. We think anyone willing to put up with two snakes, a weird cat, and five fishtanks is made for Alex.
Answer: D. Yes, they have a pet obsession. Alex likes the non-furry ones, Sheri loves the furballs.
What Sheri’s family links of Alex:
a. Dave loved him the minute Alex confessed he had a practical car and can change the oil himself! Well, he knows how to google how to change the oil.
b. Amanda knew he was the one for Sheri when she witnessed a geek spat between them over who was in the “real science” (biology vs. chemistry)
c. He won Jade’s heart when he knew the title of her latest book. (Sheri had no clue)
d. Please, he’s so perfect that if they split up, we’re keeping him.
Answer: All of the Above. Because, yes, he is that perfect.
Advice for a long lasting marriage:
a. Find a way to always laugh together. If you have that, you can face anything.
b. Make sure to always have date time together and an apart time to keep sane.
c. Sacred advice from when Dave and I got married: Never buy your bed from Sears because they stand behind everything they sell
d. Keep Sheri caffeinated and give Alex a man cave for whatever pets he wants. Yes, even spiders. (But then you’ll have to visit me in my hotel cause I’m not going in there…)
Answer: D. Welcome to the family, Alex. It only gets weirder from here.