A bang. A blaze of light. Footsteps. You feel fire on your cheek and cold deep in your bones. Your hands are chained over your head and your feet dangle, barely touching the floor. You open your eyes and wish you hadn’t. “I thought you’d be dead by now,” Mr. X says from the door of the meat freezer. “Give me a little credit,” you say. “I grew up in Chicago. Have you lived through a Chicago winter? My grandmother made me play outside when it was so cold my eyelashes froze together.” “And you had to walk uphill both ways in a snowstorm to get to school?” “I didn’t go to school. I couldn’t see.” “Funny. You’re a funny guy.” Mr. X walks into the freezer flanked by two extra hench people. You are flattered that he needs four henches to protect himself from you, considering you’ve been badly beaten, and you are chained up in a meat freezer, well on your way to hypothermia. Mr. X has a cane, but no limp. A head, but no hair. He is tall enough not to be short, but too short to be considered tall. His face is as round and…

Instead of trying to find your perfect match in a dating app, we bring you the “Author-Reader Match” where we introduce you to authors as a reader you may fall in love with. It’s our great pleasure to present Sara Desai! Writes: Books. Romance books Romance books that are funny. One romantic comedy book in particular: The Marriage Game, a sexy enemies-to-lovers romantic comedy about a grumpy downsizing consultant and a hopelessly romantic personnel recruiter who battle to secure office space as they interview the ten suitors her father has selected for her to marry. About: Island-dwelling extroverted introvert with a passion for trapping grouchy alpha males and sunshiny heroines in close quarters and pitting them against each other in a battle of wills seeks laugh-loving reader who loves scrumptious Indian food, crazy characters, big loud families, and heroes who know how to grovel. What I’m looking for in my ideal reader match: Loves cute, fluffy Westies who have a weakness for pakoras Will not start dancing during an interview Agrees that extreme pogo should not be an Olympic sport Hates any food that is deconstructed, foraged at dawn, curated, bespoke, or can’t be seen with the naked eye. Knows instantly that…